Unrelated to this fanfiction, a friend at game night created this trailer for our home D&D game. We’re a creative bunch!
Emotion, Yet Peace
The continuing Star Wars fanfiction of the journey of an original character mentored by Ahsoka Tano – set before, during, and after Season 1.
Rating: General, Spice Level: None
Characters/Tags: Original Character, Master and Apprentice Relationships, Original Female Character, Original Jedi Character, Ahsoka Tano, Huyang, Sabine Wren
Chapter 5 – Never Ready
Kendra shivered as she cooled off, her clothes damp with sweat. She accepted the hot tea that Master Edith offered her. Her leg bounced with excitement, her stomach growled, and she yawned against the fatigue of the day. It was a confusing mix of emotions as she sat at the table inside their small hut, across from the woman she’d met hours earlier. Master Edith had asked Ahsoka Tano to come to Celestoria.
The droid in Ahsoka’s ship, Huyang, had cared for Evan once they’d returned to town. They didn’t have much medical equipment, but it was enough to ensure that the boy would recover fully with little more than a headache.
Ahsoka accompanied Kendra on the walk back to camp while Huyang remained with the ship to complete maintenance. They sat at the table while Master Edith finished laying out bowls of soup, bread, and a kettle of tea before she joined them.
Kendra eagerly started in on her soup. The two older Jedi remained still.
Master Edith said, “Well, now that we are all settled, it seems like it has been a big day. Master Tano, thank you again for coming.”
“Just Ahsoka.” Ahsoka leaned back from the table. “You know I left the Order.”
“Very well,” Edith said.
Left the order? Kendra leaned forward into the table and wrapped a hand around the bowl in an attempt to absorb more of its warmth. The older woman hadn’t spoken much earlier, but everything about her felt like the Jedi Kendra dreamt of joining.
“Kendra said Huyang is with you,” Master Edith said. “How is he faring?”
Ahsoka said, “Remarkably well, given his age.”
The tall, metal creature had been very polite to Kendra, calling her “Lady Thornbrook” once introduced. She’d never seen a droid of his design.
“You have a lovely home,” Ahsoka said.
“Thank you,” Master Edith said. “It has served us well since the end of the Clone Wars.”
The small hut wasn’t much, but it was enough. There was a room for sleeping, a room for cooking and eating, and a smaller room for meditating. Everything had been built by the Jedi or gifted by the townspeople.
Kendra asked, “Did you two know each other before?”
Master Edith nodded. “Around thirty years ago, Ahsoka was a padawan during the war.”
“Before that,” Ahsoka said, “your master taught meditation at the temple.”
Kendra knew her master had taught at the temple, but never expected to meet any of her students. She tore off a piece of bread and dipped it in the soup before eating it, slowing as she realized the other two still weren’t eating.
Ahsoka said, “Your padawan did well today, healing the boy.”
“It was life or death,” Kendra inserted to make sure her master knew she’d followed the rule. “I thought he might die. Or that the nexu would do something to him.”
“Tell me about it,” Master Edith said.
“A lot happened all at once,” Kendra said. She shared Ahsoka’s ship’s arrival at the same time she realized Evan was in danger, how the Nexu eventually let her approach, and how the Force led her in the healing.
“She had exceptional focus on the boy when I arrived,” Ahsoka said.
“Well done,” Master Edith said. “I’m proud of you for listening to the Force.”
“Thank you, master,” Kendra said. She welcomed the praise, but knew her master’s attention was elsewhere.
The other two women finally began eating, but far more slowly than the padawan. What had happened between the two women thirty years earlier? Ahsoka had felt distant since Kendra met her, but an additional tension grew between Ahsoka and her master in their hut.
Master Edith laid her spoon down and looked at Ahsoka. “You’ve been guarded in our communication prior to today. I was hopeful to learn more about your travels.”
“No, I didn’t want to share too much over the comms.” She set her spoon down. “The senator was pleased you reached out.”
“I remember her father fondly,” Master Edith said. “I’m glad part of his family survived. Did you see him after the war?”
Ahsoka nodded. “After… after the Order fell, I worked with him and the Rebellion.”
“You fought with the Rebellion?” Kendra put her next bite of bread down. This was more interesting than the food.
“Yes, for a time,” Ahsoka said.
“And now?” Master Edith asked.
Ahsoka slowly turned her cup of tea. “The Empire is not entirely gone. I am seeking information on their movements.”
Master Edith asked, “In old Jedi outposts on backwater planets like this one?”
“I believe the witches of Dathomir may have information about the whereabouts of one missing grand admiral. His return would be a problem for the New Republic. I’m also looking for anything of value for a friend. A Jedi.”
Yet another Jedi? Kendra forced down a smile as it was clear the other two women were tense, but the padawan’s imagination ran away with the thought of Jedi, more Jedi, witches, the rebellion, and an outpost.
Master Edith asked, “Witches, here?”
“No, just Jedi. I assume.” Ahsoka said, “Our outposts of old sometimes contain the wisdom of those stationed within.”
“Wait,” Kendra said, “there’s an outpost here? On Celestoria? And it has information about witches and the Empire and Jedi?”
Ahsoka opened her mouth to speak, but Master Edith cut her off. “Kendra, the healing seems to have taken a lot out of you. Would you like to rest?”
“I’m fine, Master.” Kendra did not want to miss any part of this conversation, even if she was tired. “Besides, I’m still hungry.”
Kendra rose from her seat, trying to be unobtrusive and graceful as she stepped away in an attempt to somehow avoid the other Jedi’s notice. She tripped on the table leg instead, but managed not to drop her bowl.
“She also needs to hear all this,” Ahsoka said. “As I take it, you didn’t tell her why you summoned assistance if you didn’t tell her that you’d summoned it at all.”
Master Edith said, “I did not want to distract her.”
“From what, exactly?” Ahsoka said. “While your padawan may excel at healing, she needs more experience. You were right to send for Senator Organa’s aid.”
More experience? Kendra spooned more soup into her bowl and considered asking the others if they wanted more. It didn’t seem likely.
Master Edith said, “I’m not sure you understand.”
“I understand you care a lot about her. I understand you worry about her. I understand experience is how we learn.”
The two women fell silent as Kendra replaced the spoon, took more bread, and returned to her seat. She didn’t trip this time.
Quietly, Ahsoka said, “And you weren’t ready.”
“No.” Master Edith said. “I had hoped the galaxy would be more peaceful.”
“Was it ever?” Ahsoka asked.
“No, I suppose not,” Master Edith said.
“Healing is a rare gift,” Ahsoka said, “but has to be tempered with other skills. Kendra’s healing of the boy today was beautiful, but she didn’t notice the Nexu grew tired of her presence.”
“What?” Kendra asked. She blushed and her neck grew warm, and she dropped her next bite of bread into her soup. “She seemed fine.”
“Yes, initially. You convinced her to allow you to approach, but she didn’t like you staying there.”
“She was lying down when I was done healing,” Kendra argued, even as she realized she had no idea what the nexu did in the time she’d been focusing on Evan.
“Yes,” Ahsoka said, “she was.”
How long had Ahoska stood there, watching her? She recalled the nexu had looked past her when Kendra stopped healing Evan. At Ahsoka. She looked at Master Edith for assurance, but her master’s eyes were closed.
“You did well with what you were focused on,” Ahsoka said. “You need to learn how to expand that focus.”
Kendra’s breath caught as she opened her mouth, and she shoved down a response she couldn’t form.
“It seems we owe you our thanks,” Master Edith said.
“Continue with the plan, Edith,” Ahsoka said. “Don’t let fear change your mind.”
Master Edith looked like she might speak again, but thought better of it and nodded.
“I’m sure it has been difficult, but you’ve kept her safe and taught her how to connect with the Force.”
Master Edith asked, “So you will take her with you?”
“What?” Kendra blurted again before she could stop herself. “I mean… I didn’t realize…”
“Yes,” Ahsoksa said. “And we can figure out where we go from there. If not with me, Senator Organa might have use for her. I have contacts in the New Republic who could put her to use. Master Skywalker might continue her training, though he is also secluded.”
Master Edith’s head lifted in surprise. “Skywalker?”
“Anakin’s son.” Ahsoka shrugged. “And before you argue about the title, he defeated two Sith lords simultaneously.”
Master Edith chuckled. “That, at least, seems right.”
Kendra said, “I don’t understand.”
The two women paused, and Ahsoka looked at Master Edith with sympathy. “It is time.”
“You are right,” Master Edith said. Her eyes dropped to the table before lifting them to make eye contact with her padawan. “Kendra, I’ve asked Ahsoka to consider taking you with her, or at least taking you to somewhere in the New Republic you can help. I know it is what you want.”
“Leave? Here?” Kendra could not find words. “Now?”
“Soon,” Master Edith said. “In the next few days. You’ll remain my padawan, but I cannot help you anymore from here. I am old.”
Kendra stared at the chunk of bread as it sank more deeply into her soup. The warmth in her neck and cheeks grew, and it felt like a vise closed on her temples.
Ahsoka stood. “I think I’ll return to my ship and check in on the maintenance. Thank you for the meal.”
“And the outpost?” Master Edith asked.
“I’ll head there tomorrow. I’d like to take her with me.”
“Tomorrow?” Kendra didn’t bother trying to hide her overwhelming confusion.
Ahsoka put her hand on her shoulder. “Yes, and pack for a few days. I think we’ll walk.”
Kendra stared blankly at the Jedi as she bowed to Master Edith and then left.
It took several moments for Kendra to speak. Her head spun with all the questions she’d thought of during the conversation, everything said and unsaid during dinner. She took a deep breath and rubbed the table with her thumb. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I did not want you to get your hopes up. I didn’t know if anyone would reply, and when Ahsoka did, I wasn’t sure if she’d come.” Edith paused. “And, if I’m being honest, I wanted to enjoy a bit more time with you with your focus here. With you.”
Kendra turned her head and stared at the home they’d shared for twelve years. The shelves with various mismatched ceramic dishes, each a gift from a grateful villager. The sagging section of the roof they never fixed. The dusty candle Master Edith had decided smelled funny but had never thrown away.
“What about this outpost?” Kendra asked.
“It is why I picked Celestoria after the war. I remember visiting it when I was a padawan. It is very small and had been abandoned for decades when I first came. I did not take you because there isn’t much there, and it is a more difficult journey.”
“You never mentioned it.”
“It wasn’t safe for you to go alone.” Master Edith smiled. “And you would have tried. But now the Force wills you to go with Ahsoka.
Ahsoka. Leaving. Kendra’s hunger faded to a knot in her stomach. “I feel like this is all very fast to make decisions.”
“We never have enough time,” Edith dropped her hands into her lap. “Besides, you already decided long ago you would leave.”
Kendra glanced at her but couldn’t hold the look. A lump rose in her throat. She dropped her gaze to the table. “With Ahsoka?”
“She will allow you to see more of the galaxy,” Master Edith said, “or take you to this Luke, if you decide that is what is best. She probably has other options or ideas. Or you may remain with her, if you both agree. You are not obligated to stay with her, or anywhere.”
Kendra didn’t know enough about Ahsoka to have an opinion yet. “How will I know?”
“You must follow the will of the Force.”
Kendra thought of the tension between her master and Ahsoka over the meal. It was rare for Master Edith to show that level of feeling. “Does she follow the will of the Force?”
Master Edith exhaled. “She was right, you know. I’m not immune to fear. You sensed fear over dinner. I think I would have you stay safe here, on Celestoria, but that is not guaranteed, even here. And it is not the Jedi way.”
Not the Jedi way, but this woman had left the Order and wasn’t a Jedi. Or didn’t think she was. Kendra wanted to know more about that.
Master Edith continued, “She was always strong… in the Force and otherwise. Sometimes she was too much for other Jedi. I knew her when she was much younger, younger than you are now. She was headstrong and reckless then, much like her own master. It isn’t fair for me to hold that against her. It was a time of war, after all.”
Kendra said, “She made it sound like it still is.”
“She is likely right. If the forces of the Empire return, more lives will be lost. It speaks well of her that she seeks to prevent this.”
A galaxy at war, or on the verge of it. That’s what they’d been hiding from this whole time, and now Kendra might fly right into it. But isn’t that what she wanted? The pressure in her throat extended to her chest, and her face tightened against the sting behind her eyes.
Edith took her cup like she might have another sip, but set it back down. “You have not been wrong to want this, Kendra. I was wrong to be so slow in seeing it happen.”
“What will happen to you?” Kendra asked.
“Oh, I’ll be fine. I’ve already made arrangements to move in with Evan and his mother. They should keep me out of trouble, and I can keep him away from future nexu nests.”
Kendra sat silently, looking at the table. The plan had been to wait until Master Edith had died before she left. It didn’t seem right to leave her, even if she had a plan. She swallowed as a tear rolled down her nose onto the table. She wiped it with the arm of her tunic.
“And you’ll be able to message me. Maybe you can afford a call sometime.”
“What if I’m not…” Kendra’s voice broke as the tears came. She didn’t finish her question.
Master Edith reached out and gently grabbed Kendra’s hand. “Ready? No one is ever ready. We’re never ready and it is never safe, but we’re still needed.”
Kendra nodded, unable to speak.
“You’re not going to like this suggestion, but I think you should go to bed. You’ll need your strength tomorrow for the journey and all the thinking I know you’ll do. Ask Ahsoka your questions, and think of any you want to ask of me when you return.”
“Yes, Master,” Kendra whispered.
Leave a Reply